Archive for December, 2005

Anne Frank writes from my heart

Thursday, December 29th, 2005

I have just finished reading The Diary of Anne Frank, for those unfamiliar souls, Anne Frank was a young and charming girl forced into hiding with her family during a period of Nazi occupation of the Netherlands from 1942 to 1944.

The book is a great deal more than the chronicles of a young girls life. Her grasp of language, emotion, motivation and the things that reside within us all is undoubtedly cause for inspiration.

In the closing entries, Anne comes to truly reflect on the nature of her being, and describes a soul that I cannot help but find parallel with. Questions thrash inside me, if I can have such things in common with a 15 year old Jewish girl from 1944, might I find them in others too? How many of us fight the unruly beast that is self. Do we all hold an ideal within us, one that seems only to visit during the loneliest times. Is young Anne the one person who truly revealed herself, if only to the scrawled pages of a diary.

To those who have trusted enough to show the truth within, read this book, if only to know that truth is within all of us.

Posted in Random, Thoughts | No Comments »

Rawhide

Wednesday, December 28th, 2005

It came out again, that which I hate and fear so much. The me thrice buried beneath the sober façade of a better person.

All it took was a bit too much, onward came the lust for attention, the need to impress, the lies, the deceit, the self indulgent sense of superiority. All the horrible traits that I shun and hold in such contempt were in attendance.

Even now, I grow physically ill thinking of the ghastly nature of my person. I want to carve deep into my flesh “I am a horrible wretch” so that others might have warning of my true nature. So that the scar would offend them before my personality has liberty to. As if that would be sufficient. We offer a view of ourselves so grim that the mildest thing might surpass expectations.

They wear my clothes, they use my voice, unforgiving and indifferent to my pleas to refrain, they leave me surrounded with horrible shame.

Posted in Random, narcissism | No Comments »

All things complete

Wednesday, December 7th, 2005

Things have settled down in the new abode, I am now owner of all the amenities people expect for modern day living. I have even taken a tenant, though only briefly, I suspect I am likely to be paid in friendship and alcohol before hard cash or tradable commodities.

Some nicer things have happened recently. The embers of a historical friendship not yet cast into fossil have begun to smolder. And though it would give me great pleasure to throw myself toward it, I am fearful that my sudden excitement might extinguish what remains. A few tentative steps will be made, a trusting and unjudging friend would be a healthy outcome.

Posted in Random, Thoughts, narcissism | No Comments »