Archive for the ‘Random’ Category

Police Intervention

Thursday, July 29th, 2010

Do you have a problem?
No.
You seem offended that I’m asking you questions.

How it happened in my head:
I am offended. I am offended because you have been incredibly rude. I’m offended because on two occasions you have asked me the same question twice, either because you don’t trust my answer, or you weren’t listening.

I am offended because you asked for my identity without offering your own. I am offended because when you approached me with ‘How are you today?’ I responded ‘Well thank you, and how are you?’ to which you offered only a grunt.

I am offended because your partner circled me, and stood out of my field of view, presumably to ensure your safety, but inadvertently threatening my own. I am offended because I was sitting here, making it perfectly obvious that I wanted to be alone and yet, you approached me.

I find it ironic that you have asked me if I know anything about assaults in this area. I can assure you that I have not been assaulted, assaulted anyone or witnessed any assaults in this area. In fact, the only time I felt like I might be subject to assault was moments ago when you and your partner approached.

That is why, I am offended.

How it actually happened:
Then I must apologise, I didn’t mean to seem offended.

Drawing into Life

Thursday, May 13th, 2010

10 of us, fixated, staring at the intricate details of the fleshy naked body. The air is filled with the faint scent of perfume and the vocal styling of Vanilla Ice – “Lets kick it! Ice Ice Baby”

For $15 dollars the casual scrawler of images can wander in off the street, take up an easel, some paper and large chunks of gritty charcoal to draw naked people. A naked woman, Maree this week, sits still, first for 5 minute poses, then for 10 minute poses, finally for a series of 20 minute poses.

Any superficiality is quickly disposed of, drawing naked people is exactly like drawing anything else in fine detail, the person, the nakedness is gone, and all you see are the shapes of the shadows, the shapes and forms. This is the key of course, stifle your childish giggling, and look for the sharp angle where the fat covering the tricep clings at its base to the bony arm. Look for the falling line of shadow from the head straight down the chest, clipping beneath the breast and cresting at the abdomen.

It makes for good practice, and like all drawing I certainly enjoy it, anything to whisk my mind off to the meditative state where drawing happens, is it worth $15? I’m not sure, perhaps.

Brisbane – Wednesdays at 7pm Metro Arts building on Edward street. See you there!

With infinity monkeys

Tuesday, April 27th, 2010

With infinity monkeys I’d start a restaurant chain called Monkeymeal with an adorable monkey logo where you are served by trained monkeys. All the dishes would be monkey.

With infinite monkeys I would make a space elevator, a giant pyramid of monkeys that pass things up or down. They would probably pass monkeys.

With infinite monkeys I would sell cages of monkeys as space heaters, if you need more heat, just increase the number of monkeys.

With infinite monkeys I would sell trained monkey curtains, you get a bunch of monkeys that hang in front of your windows, you say keys words to make them let more light in.

With infinity monkeys I would find a way to make monkey bread and serve the starving millions with my protein rich supplement.

Fuck Shakespeare.

The Difference

Monday, April 19th, 2010

If she comes to you with a problem, she wants to talk, to be heard, to reflect.

If he comes to you with a problem he wants it solved.

If she asks you a question, she wants to speculate, to suggest, to empathise.

If he comes to you with a question he wants it answered.

Meeting the needs of others requires you to resist this pattern,  consider before you solve, and think before you speak.

Fantastic things from the Internet: Part 1

Sunday, April 18th, 2010

Stationary is awesome, make it horrible, make it awesomely horrible stationary.

Possibly the greatest action movie ever conceived, Expendables.

The case of the unusual face exploder.

April Few

Thursday, April 1st, 2010

Some suicides stand alone, or sit alone, on a cucumber.

Where do toads go in the event of an earthquake? Nobody knows, but apparently it is somewhere else.

Useful Information

Monday, March 29th, 2010

The most useful Answer ever.

Occupation

Sunday, January 10th, 2010

This weekend, a vapid experience, spent supine and jacked-in. It dissolved into time like Berocca into warm water, not because I was having fun, but because, so idle, so empty was it that I have no memory to consider.

It brings to mind the contradiction of those people that spend their time doing nothing complain fiercely of being busy, yet those that spend it actively seem to fill their lives with such wonderful diversity.

It seems to me that the more you have to fill your life, the more life you get to be filled.

End note :- This is totally worth your time.

Refresh

Saturday, January 9th, 2010

Amongst the violent sneezing fits and the occasional mucousy discharge of the nostrils I’ve been doodling a banner for this page. A glowing, colourful banner, to embrace visitors far and wide, to introduce them to my ridiculous nature and bathe them in a little bit of me.

But I am a pawn to procrastination, its sure enough that I’ll be stuck with this ominous blue rectangle of WordPress cliche forever. I am too easily consumed by the hilarious capacity of the Internet to do harm.

Know where you are going in life, you may already be there.

A little story

Sunday, June 10th, 2007

“I don’t know. I guess alone is my favourite place to be.”

Her eyes showed a slight annoyance, “Why did you ask me out then?”

“Because… despite all the time I spend abandoning the comforts of friendship and irrespective of the austere shell that surrounds my very core, protecting me from foes that don’t exist, I know, that in truth, all I really want is to have someone to breathe through, someone whose flesh will fit with mine, someone to coax my heart into rhythm and carry me to sleep with nothing but their warmth.” are the words I didn’t utter.

“It’s getting cold, and I am too cheap to buy a hot water bottle.”

She laughed.