July 29th, 2010
Do you have a problem?
No.
You seem offended that I’m asking you questions.
How it happened in my head:
I am offended. I am offended because you have been incredibly rude. I’m offended because on two occasions you have asked me the same question twice, either because you don’t trust my answer, or you weren’t listening.
I am offended because you asked for my identity without offering your own. I am offended because when you approached me with ‘How are you today?’ I responded ‘Well thank you, and how are you?’ to which you offered only a grunt.
I am offended because your partner circled me, and stood out of my field of view, presumably to ensure your safety, but inadvertently threatening my own. I am offended because I was sitting here, making it perfectly obvious that I wanted to be alone and yet, you approached me.
I find it ironic that you have asked me if I know anything about assaults in this area. I can assure you that I have not been assaulted, assaulted anyone or witnessed any assaults in this area. In fact, the only time I felt like I might be subject to assault was moments ago when you and your partner approached.
That is why, I am offended.
How it actually happened:
Then I must apologise, I didn’t mean to seem offended.
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June 9th, 2010
Evolving a Bird
Richard Dawkins, the militant atheist, writes books littered with reasons that creationists are almost certainly wrong. One of this books The Blind Watchmaker argues against creationist mantra such as Complex things cannot be created by randomness.
In one chapter of his book he creates a computer program that demonstrates evolution, by creating trees borne of random genetic mutation. Thought small incremental changes, anything in the imagination can be unleashed.
I have done something of a re-creation of Mr Dawkins work – Treevolution. From the main screen click on any of the images that appeal to you, with each click a series of children will be born, each just like it’s parent bar for some slight alteration. Click on the one that most appeals to you and find out what you create.
As you click through the gNome think about things like ‘The thing that looks most like an insect‘ or ‘The thing that is prettiest’. You will soon find something of interest.
I have spent days clicking through the gNome and have found many interesting things. Feel free to do the same. If you find something fun, send it to me! me@wrish.com
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May 13th, 2010
10 of us, fixated, staring at the intricate details of the fleshy naked body. The air is filled with the faint scent of perfume and the vocal styling of Vanilla Ice – “Lets kick it! Ice Ice Baby”
For $15 dollars the casual scrawler of images can wander in off the street, take up an easel, some paper and large chunks of gritty charcoal to draw naked people. A naked woman, Maree this week, sits still, first for 5 minute poses, then for 10 minute poses, finally for a series of 20 minute poses.
Any superficiality is quickly disposed of, drawing naked people is exactly like drawing anything else in fine detail, the person, the nakedness is gone, and all you see are the shapes of the shadows, the shapes and forms. This is the key of course, stifle your childish giggling, and look for the sharp angle where the fat covering the tricep clings at its base to the bony arm. Look for the falling line of shadow from the head straight down the chest, clipping beneath the breast and cresting at the abdomen.
It makes for good practice, and like all drawing I certainly enjoy it, anything to whisk my mind off to the meditative state where drawing happens, is it worth $15? I’m not sure, perhaps.
Brisbane – Wednesdays at 7pm Metro Arts building on Edward street. See you there!
Posted in Experiences, Random, Thoughts | No Comments »
April 27th, 2010
With infinity monkeys I’d start a restaurant chain called Monkeymeal with an adorable monkey logo where you are served by trained monkeys. All the dishes would be monkey.
With infinite monkeys I would make a space elevator, a giant pyramid of monkeys that pass things up or down. They would probably pass monkeys.
With infinite monkeys I would sell cages of monkeys as space heaters, if you need more heat, just increase the number of monkeys.
With infinite monkeys I would sell trained monkey curtains, you get a bunch of monkeys that hang in front of your windows, you say keys words to make them let more light in.
With infinity monkeys I would find a way to make monkey bread and serve the starving millions with my protein rich supplement.
Fuck Shakespeare.
Posted in Random, Thoughts | No Comments »
April 19th, 2010
If she comes to you with a problem, she wants to talk, to be heard, to reflect.
If he comes to you with a problem he wants it solved.
If she asks you a question, she wants to speculate, to suggest, to empathise.
If he comes to you with a question he wants it answered.
Meeting the needs of others requires you to resist this pattern, consider before you solve, and think before you speak.
Posted in Random, Thoughts | No Comments »
April 18th, 2010
Stationary is awesome, make it horrible, make it awesomely horrible stationary.
Possibly the greatest action movie ever conceived, Expendables.
The case of the unusual face exploder.
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April 1st, 2010
Some suicides stand alone, or sit alone, on a cucumber.
Where do toads go in the event of an earthquake? Nobody knows, but apparently it is somewhere else.
Posted in Links, Lists, Random | No Comments »
March 29th, 2010
There are many stories that tell of how the world came to be, some of them begin with nothing, some with almost nothing, some with tiny bits of nothing exploding into something. There are very few of these stories that begin with Welston, this is one of those stories.
Welston was a god of sorts, but not the kind that received the prayers of men, in part because he had no ears, but mostly because there were no men. Welston had existed for at least as long as he could remember, which wasn’t very long at all, but that wasn’t the slightest bit relevent because there was no time. Welston just was… and then he sneezed.
The mucous of existence ejected from Welston’s sad earless face with a force so explosive that, all the things which aren’t Welston came to be. On a gush of finely sprayed sputum, the processes and reactions stumbled into line, into matter, into energy and light, into suns and stars, into our little blue bulb.
And of Welston? With nothing firm beneath his feet, Welston was sent, with all the energy of the universe, tumbling away from it, away from the only something that Welston ever knew.
Us and Welston diverging for eternity never again to meet.
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March 29th, 2010
Posted in Laugh, Links | No Comments »
March 26th, 2010
Ingredients
- 200 ml expired cream
- 4 Extra ripe bananas
- 3 dead fruit flies
- 100 grams of butter
- 1/2 tsp vanilla essence
- 1/2 tsp bicarb soda
- Self raising flour
- 2 eggs
- Allspice
Instructions
- Ignore expiry date on cream and open carton.
- Use a fork to pierce the thick surface cream layer.
- Empty the runniest of the cream into a saucepan, straining chunky bits with a fork. Heat gently until not boiled but probably safe.
- Scrape Vegemite smears from butter and place into mixing bowl.
- Add vanilla essence and probably safe cream, mix until combined.
- Add bicarb soda, allspice and eggs, mix well.
- Mash bananas and fruit flies stir into a wet slurry.
- De-lump flour with a fork and try to remove weevils.
- Combine weevilled flour and slurry until it has the consistency of paint.
- Pour into greased cake pan.
- Turn oven to hot and bake until dangerous.
Serves 4 strangers.
Side effects may include vomiting, diarrhea and Danger Cake Theme Song.
Posted in Lists, Recipe | No Comments »
